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The Prosecution: Beth

Sometimes I'm recorded while I’m eating. I’ll see myself on her Instagram – it feels like a jumpscare.

My best friend of a decade, she, calls herself the “creativity monarch”. It’s fun for a short while, but it strains our friendship.

She is an extrovert, there's a constant urge the need to record everything all the time. When we eat out, her motto is, “The camera eats first,” and snaps pictures with the flash on, which makes me cringe. I don’t like it when strangers see her performing for the camera – I experience vicarious awkwardness. Another annoyance is because the food gets cold.

She's not quite an influencer yet, but Marielle is aspiring to become one. She creates video blogs about living in our city, a day in her life, and her work as a stylist. The material is quality, I’ll give her that, but I prefer not to be involved. Sometimes I'm captured while I’m eating, or just accompanying her. Later, I appear on her feed later, and it pops up like a jumpscare: I’ll have bare-faced, an awkward face or photographed while eating. It’s uncomfortable.

Marielle also anticipates that I will to record her at inopportune moments. Sometimes I’ll be talking to someone else, or we're simply hanging out in the street. The dynamic feels like our bond has turned into me serving as her free crew. She has the means to employ someone if she wanted high-quality content. Upon mentioning my discomfort about the situation, she brushed it off. I've been invited to several industry functions, which was nice, but that doesn't compensate for all the time and effort I spend helping her make content.

I appreciate that she has helped me with my design career, but I resist our connection to become merely a tally of favours. I don't believe she's insincere or dishonest, but sometimes it seems that if recording starts, we will start performing in a way that makes us look good for her channel.

She will say, “OK, look happy!” and record me laughing with someone. It feels forced. It's crucial her to recognize that our decade-long friendship still has boundaries. I enjoy being with her, but I also desire to experience it without being filmed, altered, or posted for an audience. I’m not a prop for her Instagram.

The Other Side: The Content Creator's View

I want Beth to see that the creations we produce together can get us an opportunity.

I love creating videos. It's more than a pastime; it’s part of who I am. Creating videos and documenting experiences online allows me to show my personality and connect with people in novel forms.

I don’t see myself as a professional creator yet, but it's savvy to make money from your interests. I look up to people on TikTok who execute that style of casual, DIY film-making.

Creating content is my version of engaging with life: observing the details, sharing them with an viewership that values the art behind it. I never intend to make my friend uncomfortable. Bringing her to industry events was my method of sharing opportunities, providing her a opportunity to witness behind-the-scenes moments that could help her career in design too. That isn't leverage, it’s just being realistic.

I’d still take her to these events even if she refused to assist me, but I want her to see the benefits the work we make together can get us: an opening. I know not everyone enjoys being on camera, but often unplanned moments is what makes content genuine. Being recorded from time to time is an inherent aspect of being my companion. I'd remove anything she asked, but she has never asked yet.

I don't demand anybody to be my personal videographer, but friends support one another in small ways. My assumption was recording a clip now and then would be enjoyable for her. Innovation flourishes in collaboration, and having my friend around makes endeavors energetic and enjoyable. I don't compel her to participate in anything, and I’d never intentionally embarrass her. But filming together occasionally is part of how I record our time together.

I value Beth’s friendship profoundly and don’t want making videos to come between us. I’m willing to compromise: like asking before filming, and avoiding angles that might make her uncomfortable.

This isn’t about power, it's regarding expressing my perspective while still considering hers. Obviously making content is not a replacement for genuine friendship: it's merely part of how I live my life and I want her to be involved in a way that’s enjoyable for each of us.

The Jury: Public Sentiment

Is it right for her to stop filming herself and Beth when they are out together?

Nothing is more excruciating than having a friend point a camera at you. I get that it's her passion, but I don’t make friends come to my work. Maybe she can find influencer friends to create content with. With the dark, looming future of AI, human connections are the only thing we have – cherish them!
Liberty, 25

When pursuing something professionally, it's unfair to expect your friends for help every time, even if they have done it before. If Marielle loves shooting, that doesn’t mean everyone around her is content. She must to honor Beth’s privacy.
Another reader, 26

Marielle might love making content and displaying her life online, but it’s not for everyone. It was kind she has assisted Beth’s career, but she needs to hear what Beth wants.
Emma, 27

It seems like you care about each other, so cling to that and make sure it’s the focus in your friendship. Create some real experiences, where genuine feelings are preserved, not digital scrapbooks. Even public figures who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more privacy than it seems.
Sarah, 53

She seems to be neither present nor genuine when they're together – she's on the job. Each appears unsure as to what’s reasonable. The solution is not found in trying to alter one another, but in each establishing defined boundaries around what is comfortable to them and determining if there is an acceptable middle ground.
Barbara, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

In an online poll: has she been exploiting their bond?